第三行 gradually 不是graually;
they gradually away 少了Be动词,应该是they are gradually away from;
family应该用复数表示,因为你后面用了“who are”,are 一般跟复数的,而且你的意思应该也是表示他们和家人们越来越疏远而不是某一个家人吧~
另外who are they loved ones是病句,语义不顺,应该用who they really love deep down(他们内心深处真正爱的人)会好很多。记住一点,写一个句子的时候,基本的主语+谓语+宾语的结构一定要清楚。
整句话这样会好:Gradually, they are mentally (在精神上疏远了) away from their
families, who they really love deepdown.
第五行,From where I stand, 是From不是form~;
第六行,是wrong不是worng;However 去掉因为你并没有表达和前一句相反,或者反驳前一句话的意思,However 是但是的意思,表示转折。
最后一句,这样说会比较好:I‘m stongly convinced that if you spend more time with your fammilies, you will be more happpier.
逻辑有点不太清楚~