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many memorables（这个可以做n用的不信可以查字典-- 逗号后面可以改成 but there's only one thing that gives me-- 然后often改成always更好（我觉得--
there was one thing happened when I was--
您有几个grandpa啊？一个的话就是grandpa's home--
用了‘-’的话six-year-old就行，不要加s--
（不用but也行的）there were no adult in my (谁的家最好说下--）grandpa's home，but my two brothers were there-- we played together naturally--
--so we began to play (在水里玩的话就加in)water which made us feel so nice(玩水的话感觉happy比较好） and cool
the windowsill was too small for us all to climb--
那个sullenly应该是想说suddenly吧-- suddenly I fell down就可以了-- 然后比起stupefied还是suprised好--
feel的过去式是felt-- I felt a serious pain(一定要huge应该也没事但不是hugely）on my right arm.
I realised that my arm was broken, and I began（begun可是过去分词不能用） to cry.
my brothers called my parents and tried to comfort me.
I was so worried about my broken arm,
they stayed together with me til my father came back--
though it's something happened 16 years ago, I'll remember it forever--

memorable是形容词,不能做名词用
at home,only 2brothers were there
we were as natural as to play together ??为什么觉得用中文翻出来很奇怪 we were playing together as nature/naturally.
we bagan to play water ,which made ourselves cool
the windowsill was too small for us

suddenly,I fall down..
I felt a huge pain come from my right arm,I know my arm was injured
I began to cry
My brothers called my parents while comforting me
they didn't leave me alone untill...
I will remember it for ever

there are many memorable events in my life, but only one is unforgetable. as a child, i was so naughty that i often got into troubles. this happened when i was six years old. that day, i went to my grandpa's home, but there were no adults there, only my two brothers. we were playing together natrually. it was hot outside, so we began to play in water in order to get cool. we climbed up the windowsill;the windowsill was too small for us, sudenlly i fall down the windowsill. we were all stupefied. at that moment, i felt a huge pain come from my rightside arm. i know my arm was hurt, so i began to cry. my brothers called my patents and trying to comfort me. i was afraid very much. they couraged me a lot. they did not leave me untill my father came back. my father took me to the number 4 public hospital. thouth it has passed for sixteen years, i'll remember it forever.

大写字母我比较懒就没有改····

A memorable event in my life
There are many memorable THINGS in my life, but only one gAve me deep memorY. WHEN I WAS A VERY naughty child, I USED TO gEt in trouble. The thing happened when I was six. One day, I went to my grandpas’ home, there were no adults AT home, JUST two brothers. we playED GAMES together AS USUAL. It was a very hot summer, so we began to play water that made us to be getting nice and cool. We climbed up the windowsill which was too small to us, suDDenly I felL down the windowsill. We were all stupefied. At that time, I felT intense pain came from my right arm. I knEw my arm HAD BEEN BROKEN, so I began to cry. My brothers WERE calling my parents while comforting me. I was very afraid, they gave me great courage. They didn’t leave me until my father came back. They took me to a hospital. alThough it has passed for 16 years, I still remember it clearly and will remember it forever.

only one thing GIVES me (singular,所以是第三人称单数）
The thing 听起来很奇怪，U should use ONE THING

six-YEARS-old (plural)

grandparents' or grandpa's

no adults AT home

we were as natural as to play together (这句话不通） what are you trying to say?

去掉“to be getting"

too small FOR us

SUDDENLY (check ur spelling)

i FELT (not felled)

i felt A GREAT SURGE OF PAIN COMMING from my right arm

MY ARM HAS FRACTURED

i begun to CRY

CALLED my parents while they comforted me

去掉"very" ,,just great courage

People's Hospital 大写

remember it forever.. 倒过来 =]