英语高手来帮帮忙！！！

修改的地方如下：
Hello，everyone! I am very happy that I can sand here to have a specch
（speech注：很多人开场白会这么讲：I am very glad to have the oppotunity/chance to launch a speech here.).
This is the first time that I have a English speech.
(这句把a改成an就没有语法错误了。个人觉得像课堂上这样的演讲，应该尽量避免用从句，用一些简单句就可以了。毕业论文里的英语要正式些。这里可以说：This is my first speech. )
If my speech isn't good, please forgive me.
（这句话是中国式的客气，美国人一般不会这么讲。forgive这个单词是一个很严重，正是的词，表示在犯了不可饶恕的错误时请求别人原谅时用。这里用excuse就可以了。美国人一般会比较直接一些，根据自己当时的情况说自己有点紧张之类的话，请观众给他鼓励。承接上面的那句，可以说：well, I am a little bit nervous, and hope you can back me up.,如果说完后，同学们有鼓掌，那你就顺势说一声Thank you./thank you for your support.)
Today, my topic is my hometown--Jiaxing. Jiaxing is our hometown, we should know more knowledge about it.
(这两句之前的称呼不对应。My和our这两个有冲突。你现在上高中，班上人应该都是嘉兴人吧。所以第一句里面的my hometown要改为our hometown.第二个句子要有关系词，两个主谓结构的句子之间一定要有关系词，不能并列。可改为since Jiaxing is our hometown, we should know more about it. Knowledge 这里可以省略。Knowledge 是一个比较正式抽象的词，更偏向于学识，学问。例如He is poor in money, but rich in knowledge. 他贫于金钱, 但富于学问。这句里money和knowledge俗雅就形成了对比。另外，句子里的it 可以用her来表达，表示更人性化，就好像我们把祖国比喻成母亲。）
First, let us see some introduction of Jiaxing.
（建议改为By this speech, I want to give you a brief introduction about Jiaxing. ）
This is the city tree of Jiaxing. And this is the city flower. Jiaxing has many specialty
(specialties要用复数形式跟many对应。), let's see.(这里可以用：for example,例如)
These are Jiaxing Wufangzhai zongzi.
（这句的复数形式不对，其实这句话可以省略，说完for example 之后，直接点开图片，说嘉兴粽子就可以了。）
Jiaxing also has lots of famous people.(A lot of famous people were born in Jiaxing. Let's see.（Let’s see这个词上面已经用过了，要避免重复，可以这样说：Let’s scan some photos.） This is Yu Hua. This is Xu Zhimo. This is Jin Yong. This is Feng Zikai. Jiaxing is a beautiful city, let's have a good look about the beauty of Jiaxing. This is Santa. This is the south lake. Where is this? This is Xiuzhou district of the new government.
（This is Xiuzhou New Official District. 应该是XIUZHOU政务新区吧？我是按这个翻译的。)
I'm very proud of my hometown is Jiaxing.
（把is 去掉，或把of换成that。根据下面的句子，这里用that比较好。）
And I am proud of that I am a people in Jiaxing.
（这个句子跟上一个句子结构应该相同，但是语义要更进一步，可以这么说：I am also very proud that I was born in Jiaxing. People这里不对，注意单复数之间的对应。）
I love you, Jiaxing. I hope after my speech, you will love Jiaxing more. My speech is over, thank you!

注：在句中有First这个词表示首先，而在接下来的介绍中没有相对应的表示顺序的词。所以文中的FIRST完全可以省略。你的内容主要分为四部分：市树市花，知名小吃，名人，知名景点。知名小吃只举例了一个，可以再加2~3个。这四个部分前面可以加first，second，third，fourth这样表示顺序的词，表示一种并列。但是这种说法一般都比较单调，更多的用： First of all, to begin with, 表第一点，secondly, then，表第二点，thirdly, what’s more, 表第三点，fourthly, at last, finally 表示第四点。

Hello, everyone! I'm so glad to stand here to have a speech(SPEECH写错了哦）.
And this is my very first time English speech （不用特地用that，very first time是强调这是你的第一次英语演讲）. Hope you enjoy it（你的那句是典型的中式英语，如果讲得不好，希望大家原谅。真正英语里不会这样讲的哦，你就说喜欢大家喜欢就ok了）.
Today, my topic is my hometown-JIangxi. Jiangyin city is our hometown, which we need to know more about it(这样表达好点吧？我们需要对它更多地了解，不需要加上KNOWLEDGE，那样就是了解更多知识）.
First, let me show you some introduction of Jiangxi (既然是你在做演讲，用show you 会好一点吧，首先我给大家展示一些关于江西的介绍）. This is a very beautiful city with many trees and flowers(this is the city tree of Jiangxi和花儿那一句本身表达就是不对的，你可以直接说成这是一个充满绿树和鲜花的美丽城市）.
Jiangxi has many special scenic spots(江西有许多的风景名胜，speciality是专长的意思，用在这里并不合适，let's see也可以省略），such as WUFANGZHAI rice dumpling,Santa, south lake, as well as many famous people. (可以直接接上一句，江西有很多名胜特产，比如五芳斋粽子，和一些名人). These people are: Yuhua, Xu zhimo, Jinyong, Fengzikai etc. （那些人是余华、徐志摩、金庸、丰子恺等等）. 后面介绍的SANTA, SOUTH LAKE等可以直接归到前面的风景名胜里
I'm very proud of my hometown-Jiangxi city, and so glad to live in this city. I love Jiangxi so much, and hope everyone likes this beautiful city.
That's all, thank you very much! (不要用my speech is over，一般用THAT'S ALL).
这些是我的意见，你参考下吧，其实英语表达的时候是越简略越好，一句话可以说清楚的不必要用太多词来表达，加油吧，祝你演讲成功

Hello，everyone! I am very happy that I can sand here to have a speech. This is the first time for me to give speech in English. I want to talk about my hometown--Jiaxing. Jiaxing is a familiar place for us , and we already know lots about it .Question, If a stranger wants to know our hometown better, what will you interduce? As we all know the city tree of Jiaxing is XXXX. And the city flower is XXXXXX.There are many special local products in Jiaxing, for example Jiaxing Wufangzhai zongzi and ①. Jiaxing also have been many historical celebrities. For example this is Yu Hua. This is Xu Zhimo. This ia Jin Yong. This is Feng Zikai.As we all know Jiaxing is a beautiful city, so why don't we to enjoy our hometown in different view? This is Santa. This is the south lake. Where is this? This is Xiuzhou district of the new government. I'm very proud of my hometown.Jiaxing.I love you so much.
Thank you for listening.

你好,我已经修改完毕。其中XXXX部分是你家乡的市花、市树的名字。我猜你幻灯片里面应该有，但是这里还是写出来比较好。 我标注①的位置是需要你添加的，添加的内容是你家乡的特产，我看你举例只举了一个例子，太少。一般来说2~3个例子最好，如果只举一个例子， 那就要详细描述这个特产和别的地方相似产品的不同了，比如制作工艺，口感等方面。 如果需要进一步修改你可以追加描述，个别用英语描述不清的地方，你直接用汉语描述就好。我抽时间再给你修改。

简单的修改了一下，希望你能看得出来。
Hello，everyone! I am very happy that I can stand here to have a speech. This is the first time for me to have a English speech. If my specch isn't good enough, please forgive me. Today, my topic is my hometown--Jiaxing. Jiaxing is our hometown, we should know more about it. First, let us look at some introduction of Jiaxing. This is the city tree of Jiaxing. And this is the city flower. Jiaxing has many speciality, let's see. These are Jiaxing Wufangzhai zongzi. Jiaxing also has lots of famous people in the history. Let's see. This is Yu Hua. This is Xu Zhimo. This ia Jin Yong. This is Feng Zikai. Jiaxing is a beautiful city, let's have a good look at the beauty of Jiaxing. This is Santa. This is the south lake. Where is this? it is in Xiuzhou district of the new government(应该是district,新区是吧？）. I'm very proud of my hometown Jiaxing. And I am proud of that I live in Jiaxing. I love you, Jiaxing. I hope you will love Jiaxing more after my speech,.My speech is over, thank you!

哈罗，每个人！我非常快乐我能在这里撒沙有 specch 。这是我有英国 specch 的第一次。如果我的 specch 不好，请原谅我。今天，我的主题是我的家乡－－Jiaxing。Jiaxing 是我们的家乡，我们应该知道对它的较多了解。首先，让我们见到 Jiaxing 的一些介绍。这是 Jiaxing 的城市树。而且这是城市花。Jiaxing 有许多专长，让我们见到。这些是 Jiaxing Wufangzhai zongzi 。Jiaxing 也有许多出名人。让我们见到。这是 Yu Hua 。这是北越货币单位 Zhimo 。这一 ia Jin Yong。这是 Feng Zikai 。Jiaxing 是一个美丽的城市，让我们有关于 Jiaxing 的美人好的神情。这是圣。这是南的湖。这在哪里？这是 Xiuzhou 新政府的区域。我非常骄傲我的家乡是 Jiaxing。而且我以我是 Jiaxing 的一个民族为傲。我爱你， Jiaxing。我在我的 specch 之后希望，你将会爱 Jiaxing 更多。我的演讲结束，谢谢你！