一小段中译英，大家帮我改改，谢谢！

如果我没猜错的话,你这是用翻译软件译的吧,错误很多,而且语法结构零乱.有的词没译,有的词是乱译的,有的结构完全是错的.帮着你改了一下,并作了说明. 其实还不如我重新译一次还更轻松些,看你的翻译就猜了半天,希望对你有帮助吧.
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前面应该还有一句吧,用法律控制风险包括:,
The measures to control the risks by law include the following aspects:

(你的翻译意思是可以用法律控制的风险包括…这和你的中文意思不符,应该是用法律控制风险的措施包括, 加上后面的in the following aspects 你就好加连词了.)

建立证券金融公司；
firstly to set up security financial corporations to offer credit;

(用不定式比用动名词好,表示应该尚未发生的行为,注意这里是分号.)

完善外部监管和自律监管相结合的监管机制；
secondly to perfect the controlling system combining exterior supervision with self-discipline;
(完善的是监督机制,这种监督机制包含了….这里用了一个分词做system的定语.仍然是分号.)

加强对证券公司、投资客户和标的证券的资格审查；
furthermore to enhance the qualification examination towards security corporations, investors and target securities;
(这里不是控制…而是加强资格审查,你原来的翻译基本的意思没出来.这儿还是分号)

合理设置包括账户管理制度、合同标准化设置制度、信息披露制度保证金制度、卖空价格限制制度、信用额度管理制度、除权处理制度和风险基金制度等制度。
finally to establish sound systems for accounting management, contact standardization, information announcement, guaranty bonds, price restriction for selling short, regulation on credit limits, rights off disposition, venture capitals and so on.

(这个不多说了,因为你的译句和中文基本上是两个意思,还有许多专业词都没译出来,有的是错译,我都尽量地改了,大多数都查的专业词典,有一个是我自己理解的,估计问题不是很大.)

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whole passage

The measures to control the risks by law include the following aspects: firstly to set up security financial corporations to offer credit; secondly to perfect the controlling system combining exterior supervision with self-discipline; furthermore to enhance the qualification examination towards security corporations, investors and target securities; finally to establish sound systems for accounting management, contact standardization, information announcement, guaranty bonds, price restriction for selling short, regulation on credit limits, rights off disposition, venture capitals and so on.

对楼上“爱ホックLutz”的修改：
1.Established－》To set up
2.Improve－》To improve
3.rationalize －》To rationalize
所以总结如下：To set up securities and financial companies;
To improve the external supervision and self-regulation combined regulatory mechanism; To strengthen the securities companies, Investment securities customers and the subject of eligibility; to rationalize including account management system, standardization of contract system set up, disclosure of information system security system, short selling price limit system, line of credit management system Exclusive - rights management system and risk fund system.

先占个位置。明天编辑

The risk controlled by law includes setting up the security financial corporation to offer credit; setting up the supervision system; controlling all security corporations, all investors as well as all securities; Operating mechanism contains marginal regulations and margin account management; Managing methods mainly cover both volume regulations and volume limitation in credit and information disclosure and the deposition of stocks the fund and so on.

Build a securities finance company; Perfect inspection mechanism of integration of outside inspection with autonomy inspection; The qualification reinforcing to the security company , investing in the customer and the bid bond examines; Interpose system such as managing system , handling system and risk fund system except right including that the account managing system , contract normalizing interposes system , information reveals system caution money system , sold out price restricts system , the line of credit rationally.

The risk controlled by law includes setting up the security financial corporations to offer credits; improving the supervision system which is combined with both external regulation and self-regulation; Enhancing the qualification regulation of securities companies, investors customers and the mark securities; constructing reasonable account management system, standardized contracts settings, informational disclosure and deposits system, short-sale price limits and credits management system, deposition of stock and risk fund system and so on

风险受控由法律包括设定安全财政公司提供信用; 设定监督系统; 控制所有安全公司, 所有投资者并且所有证券; 经营的机制包含少量的章程和保证金户管理; 处理的方法主要包括容量章程和容量局限在信用和信息透露和股票的证言资金等等。