紧急~~拜托了~~有哪位可以i帮我看一下这篇自我介绍有没有什么语法错误么？

In my opinion, maybe you have to start with the greeting, such as good morning or good afternoon, it depend on the time when you will talk about. for the others is good. you just write the introduction of your name like "I am XXX" it is fine if you introduce like that. I will just write an example:

Good morning everyone, I am XXX. I come from Shenzhen, I'm now 18 years old, my height is one hundred and sixty seven meters, I weigh 54 kg. I'm a smart and sanguine girl. I am also good at singing, dancing and playing piano.

My height is 167cm
My weight is 54 kilograms
i am good at singing,dancing and playing the piano

你身高有167米啊！！！
语法我倒是没发现错误，不过整篇文章后面读起来不太舒服，"i'm" 用多了，建议换一下句型

meters是米 改成厘米
also 改成am